Haven’t Blogged In Ages

Arcade

Y’all must think this is dead.

Anyway had lunch with zannah and nana after our last paper which didn’t go as well as anyone expected. What happens will happen and I’m resigning myself to the consequences.

So I was watching nana and zannah play in the arcade and as I watched, I couldn’t help but feel like I missed out a part of my childhood. Bright lights, flashing tin boxes, annoying sounds. These have captivated children since ‘pin ball’ and will continue to do so. Contraptions that seek to swindle children out of their pitiful allowances. Fancy schmancy – cheap tricks.

No idea why I’m being harsh to the arcade world.

When I tell people that I’ve never played in an arcade, never felt the thrill of watching the game load, never shot a zombie or an enemy on a screen, never inserted a coin into a slot, they tend to go: where’s your childhood?! or Deprived. Well sorry bishes <3 I just didn’t have that part.

My dad forbade me to enter the one at causeway point, which all in all made me even more curious. ‘You’ll get addicted.’ he said. Maybe he was right but I’ll never know anyway; it’s far too late to discover whether that would have come to be. I was entranced by the colours but with my father’s warning in mind, I never played a single time. Sure I’ve gone in to watch people play, in particular house of the dead 4,

Most memorable thing about arcades?

Watching people, in particular young boys, do the para para dance.

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Someone give me a tent, a mountain of books and time; Please.

I Ask You

Lord If I Gave You My Heart

If I Gave You My Soul

Would You Show Me That

You’d Never Leave Me Alone?

Cause Every Breath That I Take

Every Moment That I’m Awake

Lord It’s Slowly Killing Me…

How Do You Really Say Goodbye?

I didn’t have much to say to both(well three) of you tonight. Really I don’t other than good luck with your career and living where you will be. But it’s odd isn’t it? That I have known you since I was born and I have nothing to say now that you’ll be gone for 4 years. But I loved how you spent the last night. With family, and that’s how it should be. A good meal, laughter and small talk. But it’s always been kind of awkward between us I think. The only way we converse is when you tease me. But that’s alright too

Good Luck and See You Whenever.

We still have Skype

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35 minutes to possibly a bad day.

It’s Not Fair

To assume, about what I want to do in life. No this isn’t about what happened on Saturday, but what happened on Friday. You said it with a smile on your face.

I wanted to throw up.
I wanted to scream at your face.
I wanted to walk out.
I wanted to slam the door.

Common sense had a tight hold on me that day.

‘I assume you don’t want to be a nurse right? Or you wouldn’t have problems like these.’

FUCK you. I have issues I admit but who the fuck are you to say that? Fact is nursing has become bearable, even a pleasure, and people like you ought to be shot for saying that to students.

‘We don’t want you to kill the patients.’

God you are such a bitch to say that and chortle. How can you do those two things at the same time?

Honestly I regret not having great attendance. But mistakes are to be learned from and learn I did. I figured out finally what I wanted to do but.. People like you just make me sick.

Sometimes I wonder if my mentor really cares about me or is it all about her duty. I”m almost completely convinced that it’s the latter.

‘It’s my duty as your mentor to inform your mother.’

Complete and utter bullshit.

Noone really gets how my mother gets mad when these calls come. She blows up, threatens to cut my education and blows up even more. It’s not okay to call her. It is NOT. Noone wants to let their parents know of their failures do they?

I’m torn between what I want again.

I hate you for making me doubt myself.

I HATE YOU

I’m Happy

LOL I really am.

My CI asked me : Do you want to be a nurse anot?

I’m psyche to say: Recently I’ve decided I want to be one.

There’s an insane amount of happiness threatening to burst out of me.

Even if there was a sucky grade.

Resolutions, forged on a pixelled page.

1. Get at least a C+ in the next attachment so I can pull my grade point average up.

2. Work on my nursing care plan, it’s my weakest point.

3. Next attachment, leap straight into the midst of things. Hands on baby!

4. Try to pay attention during lectures, our lecturers aren’t too bad really, we just choose to shut ourselves out.

Honestly I regret not jumping straight into things this attachment. I was insanely listless(I knew it but I didn’t think my CI would choose to use the same word) and well there were other factors that I choose not to mention here, just not worth mentioning it.

It’s almost like everything’s on repeat.

But shit I never noticed.

P.S. Common Test Results (Which I Really Didn’t Give A Shit About I Admit, but this was the wrong attitude, So don’t follow my example kiddies!)

NS2: F (NS1 probably also F, didn’t study)

NSL: B (LMAO Unexpected, even more unexpected that noone got A)

NS1: F (Peer Tutoring Here We Come)

PHAR: ?

Will be updated when the rest of the results come in.

Happy Anniversary Mummy & Daddy

When mummy told me that today was her wedding anniversary, it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I admit, I try not to think too much about my dad. Neither do I want to overdiscuss it with my mum. Because the both of us will just end up crying.

I realise now how l spent 3 years silently tearing, just to break down in class. Memories that would never ever be created with him ever again haunt me. After all this time, I’ve realised:

I picked up the pieces 6 years ago

I held on to them tightly while my hands bled

And now I’m trying to let the pieces go

But I honestly don’t want to

How Long…?

I can feel my resolve weakening.

I’m swaying like the oak in the harsh wind.

How long will it be till my roots give way?

I’m not sure what I can take anymore.

Verbally, mentally, physically.

God Help Me.

Phlegmatic – Sounds Sick

Phlegmatic

On a side note, attachment is bearable. But I swear all the CIs are like the same. You forget every damn thing when they question you.

Oh, and feet hurts like bitch.

P.S. Updated weebly.

Puff Puff Baby

It came to mind when I woke up today. About what woman and I discussed during our alone time in the chalet lobby.

Smoking.

We talked about why our friends smoke.

And how come we don’t really do a damn thing to stop them?

Is ‘they have to live their own life/decide for themselves’ a good enough excuse not to do anything?

I’m pathetic as well.

Always saying I’ll break those damn sticks but I don’t do it cause I don’t want my friends to get mad at me.

I stared at Scott when I saw the unlighted cigarette stick in his hand.

When I stared he was like: C’mon la Annabel you know I’ve smoked for how long already.

Truthfully I didn’t know.

I wasn’t shocked either. But it sucks to expect your friends to smoke.

I’m an utter failure.

I can’t even get one of my closest sisters to stop puffing them fucking sticks.

UGH.

And I Realise It’s Been A Long Time

And that many of you probably think this blog is dead. It is not I assure you.

I need/want/need/want/need/want/need/want/need/want/need/want/need/want/need/want to dye my hair.

Burgundy/Fuchsia?

If I can’t make up my damn mind I’d just leave it black really.

Even the hairdresser keeps asking me when I wanna dye my hair.

LOL. ROFL. LMAO.

I need to go shopping with Zannah one day to understand what’s so great about it.

This is turning into a to-do list.

I am worried, yet resolute.

Plenty going through my mind now, but I’m enjoying doing nothing.

If only all of my days were like this.

I know they say you’d get sick of holidays and holidays and holidays.

But I love the feeling of nothing. If I didn’t need to eat to survive, I’d lie in bed all day and watch the sky turn colour.

I adore the cold mornings after a night of rain.

The sun peeking through the clouds at 7:20am in the morning. [Sorry for not waking you up Andrew!]

Your Love For Me Peeking Through The Sky.

I marvelled at your love, your brilliant love that you showed when I felt so low.

This was the ‘It’s Going To Be Ok’ that I was seeking.

From You.

And you’re just like you always are.

Always there.

I Love You God.